Life After Divorce for Men in South Carolina

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Divorce is hard on everyone involved – men, women, and children. Often, however, society overlooks or downplays the consequences that the end of a marriage can have on men. Some studies indicate that men after divorce may experience more difficulty coping with what happened and knowing how to move on. If you’re a man who is facing divorce, we will work to guide you through this process with respect and compassion. Greenville, SC divorce attorney Angela Frazier discusses how divorce changes a man.

What Are the Effects of Divorce on Men?

Nobody gets married with the intention of having it come to an end one day. What started out as a happy marriage could ultimately result in a bitter divorce, a situation that is aggravated when children are involved. The following are common emotions of a man going through divorce:

Most Men Blame Themselves for the Divorce

While men may initially experience relief that the stress of the divorce has ended, as time goes by they begin to ruminate on what went wrong and where they have ended up. Despite their efforts to be caring husbands and loving fathers, the marriage failed; this leaves many men blaming themselves. Feelings of betrayal, anger, and loss can develop into a sense of anxiety, embarrassment, and guilt. Therapy can help a man through the darkest stages of these experiences.

Smaller Support Network

Because women prioritize relationships with others, they form bonds with family and friends who can help them through the difficulties of divorce. Men, on the other hand, pride themselves on independence. During their marriages, they may have neglected to form friendships with other men they could rely on during trying times. When the marriage ends, they have few people to turn to.

Shorter Grieving Period

Compared to women, men are less likely to seek professional counseling to grapple with their feelings during and after the divorce. The idea of men “toughing it out” is an enduring one, so men tend to avoid dealing with the grief that is only natural in a situation like this. It might appear that the man has either quickly passed through the grief phase or skipped it altogether, but refusal to address it in a healthy way can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance abuse.

Loss of Identity

After divorce, women will often immerse themselves in activities and hobbies. This allows them to socialize with others, find meaning in community, and strengthen their identities. For married men, especially parents, their family unit forms a major part of their personality. If the marriage fails, and fatherhood becomes more challenging, men can naturally experience an identity crisis. Many have few outlets other than work, which may be unsatisfying in these situations.

Seeing Children Less

Even though parents should have equal footing in custody courts, many judges prioritize the mother by granting her primary custody. The father ends up with less time through visitation.

Making visitation work is not always easy due to financial obligations that coincide with divorce and responsibilities like work. Even with ample visitation, fathers naturally miss seeing their children as frequently as they did during the marriage.

How Men Can Better Cope With Divorce

It’s probably an understatement to say that divorce causes major upheaval, even in the most amicable circumstances. Though it may seem like it, divorce is not the end of the world and there is still the possibility of moving on and making the best of a difficult situation. We suggest that men after divorce take the following steps:

Allow yourself time and space to grieve

Trying to force your way through grief or bypass it entirely will almost certainly backfire in the form of poor decisions, anxiety, and depression. It’s important, therefore, that you give yourself time and space to mourn the end of your marriage. Process your emotions at a pace you are comfortable with. It might also be a good idea to go on a vacation, perhaps alone, so you can deal with the loss.

Don’t move on too fast

Many men make the mistake of moving on and trying to find new romance too soon. Coping with divorce isn’t just about handling your emotions, it also includes learning from the mistakes of your marriage so you never have to experience them again. The uncomfortable reality, however, is that while men feel ready to get back in the dating game, they actually haven’t given themselves enough time to figure out what sort of relationship they really need. When you’re truly ready to date again, move slowly and intentionally.

Stay focused on your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health

During and after your divorce, don’t neglect good dieting, sufficient sleep, and regular exercise.

Seek counseling for mental and emotional struggles, and be honest about your experiences. If you are religious, you should also consult someone in your faith who can advise you and be part of a support network. Good habits in these areas are especially hard to maintain during divorce, but you can do so if you work at it.

Try to be respectful with your ex-spouse

This can be a tough one, even if your husband or wife was civil during the divorce. It’s much more difficult if the divorce was contentious. However, allowing the bitterness and strife to get the best of you will do you no favors. To the extent possible, try to maintain a respectful and civil relationship with your ex-spouse. Doing this is especially critical if the two of you co-parent. If for no other reason, take the higher road for the sake of your children.

Schedule a Free Initial Consultation With Elliott Frazier Today

If you’re a man going through a divorce, we want you to know that we understand the uniquely arduous situation you are in. We can also appreciate that divorce feels like an uphill battle, one in which you are unsure if you will be treated fairly by the courts. Elliott Frazier — Family, Personal Injury, & Car Accident Attorneys, LLC is here to fight for your parental and marital rights with the professionalism and empathy you deserve. Let us show you exactly how we can stand up for you to achieve the most optimal outcome. Call us today.

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